Do you still think that way about me now?

Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone that I'm sneaking on-line to avoid office work. My new role has none of the regular office work I had to deal with previously and now that I'm out of it, I am reeeeally reluctant to go back. Unfortunately, with the summer holidays, I can't avoid it entirely.

I should explain what my job actually is, but I'm cagey about putting those details on-line. And I can't explain my reasons why without possibly giving the game away to the wrong person. I don't have the greatest social media presence in the world but still. I know I'm not internet-savvy enough to avoid anyone who is looking for certain specifics.

Thinking about it, my caution may be a complete waste of time, of course. I'm using my actual name here, after all, and it's unusual enough that it wouldn't be hard to narrow down where I work, if someone wanted to.

*sigh* Why don't we just say, I'm in one of those jobs where it's best not to talk about what you do outside of your workplace? The best way I can think of to describe my current role is as a gofer, liaising between a particular person and everyone else s/he needs to work with, fetching paperwork, coffee, that kind of shizzle. My usual person is off on holiday, though, so I'm bouncing around between a few other people as and when needed, and if not needed, then I'm supposed to go down to the office and help them out with their filing etc. It's what I used to do all the time in my old workplace, after all. Except as aforementioned, now that I'm no longer doing it on a regular basis, I don't want to go back! Bad Rhonda! Lazy!

I started using LJ when I was in university. Back then, I posted regularly (so long as it was a term-time weekday, since at home we were mired in the Dark Ages of dial-up). I haven't checked but I'd say it was usually every day. And since I went on to complete a Master's and a PhD, that pattern continued for a while.

Then I left.

And the postings dried up.

Now a bit of that is down to the internet situation at home. We're a slow-adapting household; as far as I recall, we were still using dial-up when I left uni in 2007. So I fell out of the habit of logging in on a regular basis. But the big reasons for the posting drought?

The loss of shared context. And confidentiality.

The latter is pretty obvious - or should be, given all the social media scandals. The former... lemme explain.

Education up to a certain age is compulsory throughout Western Europe and North America. Everybody growing up in those societies, therefore, has been to school at some point. So I could moan about my tutors etc. and be confident that most of you could nod your head sagely and say, "Yeah, I know the drill."

But once you leave the education system and enter gainful employment, that shared context disappears. Bar portrayals on TV or film, I have no freaking clue about the workaday lives of accountants - nurses - warehouse managers - IT technicians - police officers - lorry drivers - civil engineers - insurance staff - stockbrokers - fashion designers - dental receptionists - charity campaigners - town councillors - refuse collectors - fishing crews. And what the hell is a Special Advisor when it's at home?

But work takes over from education as the central day-to-day activity of your life. So if I were to write about my day... well, I'd have to spend some time setting up the context. I would have to explain about ICOS and FTR and what 'pulling the court' means. It's boring and long-winded and likely to end up in TL;DR territory. (Yes, I am aware that this entry is falling into that category too.)

***

I guess I'm old-fashioned in wanting/expecting my posts to be about my day-to-day life. 'Blogging' seems now to be about passing around quotations, stories, memes, photographs and pictures which originate with other people, not ourselves. Or it's an editorial column, made up of our musings on the topics which interest us. Or it's a reviews column on our chosen form of entertainment, from books to barbells, hardware to handicrafts, singing to sex toys. Or it can be an advertising hoarding for whatever it is we want to promote to the public.

Please note, none of these are meant as criticisms or as a in-the-good-ole-days moan. I'm only observing that social media has shifted away from the "on-line diary" idea that I 'grew up' with, and that I haven't shifted with it. I don't subscribe to Reddit or BuzzFeed or wherever else people get their "Share" links from, and besides, I tend to consume stuff like that and move on rather than telling others about it. I don't write editorials because I know I'm a poor arguer and am not prepared to handle any shitstorm that might result, even if it only fits in a teacup. I could do reviews, I suppose... but do I really read/view enough to justify it? I haven't been to the cinema in years and my TV watching falls into the territory of whatever-will-keep-everyone-vaguely-interested-and-or-entertained-but-not-necessarily-inspire-enthusiasm.

***

Lack of shared context is also why I'm crap at phone calls. I can't see what the person on the other end of the line is doing/experiencing, so I can't offer any comments on the same to gee the talking along. Once we're done with the obvious hi-how-are-you-this-is-the-news-where-I-am, I run out of conversational steam.

This inability to generate conversation is screwing up my chances with on-line dating too. My opening messages are banal to the point of pointlessness. Ugh.

I should probably post something... Finding my feet with my new job and getting used to the people I'm working with. Some of them (naming no names and indicating no numbers) are a little bit self-entitled and bossy...

I really should post more. I have all these deep musings about how I've trained myself to be secretive over the years and how that spills over into my on-line life, but I only get the chance to post something at 4:45pm and I'm like... "Yeah, I want to go home."

TL; DR: I am not dead. My place of work is closing and I am stressed. Also, I don't come on the internet much, 'cos reasons.

( The longer version )

I need to go; supper's ready.

So, I feel like I ought to post and say something...

I had forgotten how much fun trashy vampire novels can be! Although, seriously, having vampires as slaves? Ok, I can see the medical research and the military and even the titillating-entertainment-for-the-super-rich angles - but having them in our houses? As our secretaries and nannies and cooks and busboys?! Isn't that like a herd of antelope keeping a lioness around? No sense. Does this make.

Still a lot of fun, though :)

Work is the usual. I haven't had any more night-seizures but I still don't have an appointment with the neurologist. Not surprised at that, though; I suspected that it could take a while.

One big thing has been my sketching. I have fallen WAY behind: a whole month! *slaps her hand*

The other big thing is I've joined a penpal site. It was my mum's idea, inspired by a book she was reading of a woman's letters to her penpal during the 50s. I am... cautiously optimistic so far. I'm using a separate e-mail account from my usual, trying to keep any identifying info to a minimum. So far, most of the contacts have been from (alleged) men... Not sure what's with that...

In 2013, I...

- turned 33.

- asked a lot of mysterious and random questions of my LiveJournal friends, as I fact-checked elements of a story.

- got slooooowly back in touch with Ruth, Lesley and LJ, my old university friends, in an attempt to make human contact outside of work.

- discovered the time-wasting potential of TrendHunter.com...

- ... and via the above, discovered the joys of mash-up fan art by Amy Mebberson, Karen Hallion and Hyung86.

- spent more money than I ought to in The Works.

- realised that I need to put a time limit on how long I write, because spending too long leaves me grumpy and depressed. On that basis, I made a deal with Mum to stop her nagging me about writing, but she has recently started again...

- tidied my wardrobe (well, most of it).

- went on holiday to Jersey and learned that four-star hotel menus are not all that.

- got new bosses at work and watched an already-bad situation get worse, ugh.

- and as a result of the above, got more and more cynical and sharp-tongued.

- got rid of the task of clerking the Coleraine family courts!... then got it back again, thanks to said new bosses >.<

- got obsessed with paint colour names and colouring-in books.

- read a lot (but then, I do that every year).

- re-started using my local library, although most of the time I borrow books with absolutely no intention of reading them. *guilty look*

- bought a re-useable calendar of "calming thoughts" and promptly started to disagree with them.

- watched Strictly Come Dancing for the first time and loved it. My only quibble is that it's on too early in the evening, which leaves you scrabbling to find something to watch from 8 o'clock on...

- watched "The Day of the Doctor" on 23 November and fell in love with Doctor Who again (I had drifted away from the show following a... family incident which had been started by this episode).

- started listening to my pop and rock CDs again, after several years of only playing instrumental and classical music. I blame the pop radio station which my workmates tune into (and which I can't stand).

- applied for two new jobs and a transfer... didn't get any of them.

- got a bonus woohoo!

- gave up on taking packed lunches to work.

- did NOT join any dating websites... but thought about it. A lot.

- made a necklace.

- bought the same style of shoes as I had last year.

- wrote in pink.

- FINALLY got a passport. And still haven't used it.

- err, downloaded spyware like an idiot >.< Luckily in the middle of doing so, I mentioned what I was doing to my brother, so he got straight on to removing it.

- wrote this list.

So, while avoiding the shouting match between Dad and Sharon over the Gyp issue (see last entry), I took a nosey through some old notebooks. Originally they had been used for revision notes for my GCSEs (standard exams taken at age 15/16), but once the exams were over, I had scrapped the notes and used the remaining blank pages to write blurbs for story ideas that had been boiling in my head since I was about ten or eleven.

Reading over the "Books I Want to Write" now is hilarious. Certain themes pop up again and again; my younger self had an slight obsession with slavery, prostitutes(!), and unsustainable future dystopias (one of them involves a society which has "outlawed all forms of pleasure" *rolls eyes*). There are plagues and repressive cults and psychic "chosen ones", a smattering of dragons and vampires, several nuclear wars and unlikely environmental disasters. Most of the stories are firmly in sci-fi/fantasy/thriller territory, but there are a few "real-life"/general fiction tales, including a Jackie Collins rip-off called The Stud Farm. *cringe*

I will never write these books now: the concepts are poorly thought-through, the characters overwrought, the plotlines left annoyingly vague. I don't have enough time left anyway - there are sixty-seven blurbs, and some of those are general sum-ups of a series, length unspecified. Kalynder Girls is supposed to be twelve books, and I'm still slogging through the first one - which is the only one that I have a clear plot for.

But then I look at just how much stuff my imagination was churning out back then and I'm kinda envious. ( Read more... )

Ugh, I started writing this hoping to give you all a laugh at the ridiculous hyperbole of my younger self. Didn't mean to degenerate into this cynical and self-defeating crap. Sticking it behind a cut; if you only want the laugh, stick with what you see :)

Best Occupational Category
You're an ORGANIZER
Keywords

Self-Control, Practical, Self-Contained, Orderly, Systematic, Precise, and Accurate

These conservative appearing, plotting-types enjoy organizing, data systems, accounting, detail, and accuracy. They often enjoy mathematics and data management activities such as accounting and investment management. Persistence and patience allows them to do detailed paperwork, operate office machines, write business reports, and make charts and graphs.

ORGANIZER CAREERS
Suggested careers are Administrator, Secretary, Printer, Paralegal, Building Inspector, Bank Cashier, Private Secretary, Statistician, Operations Manager, Financial Analyst, Bookkeeper, Medical Records Technician, Developer of Business or Computer Systems, Clerical Worker, Proofreader, Accountant, Administrative Assistant, Banker, Certified Public Accountant, Credit Manager, Store Salesperson, Actuary, Dental Assistant, Business Education Teacher, Food Service Manager, IRS Agent, Budget Analyst, and Underwriter.

ORGANIZER WORKPLACES
Your very careful, conscientious, conservative nature gives others the confidence to trust you with handling money and material possessions. Structured organizations that have well-ordered chains of command work best for you.

Suggested Organizer workplaces are large corporations, business offices, financial lending institutions, banks, insurance companies, accounting firms, and quality control and inspection departments.



2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a PERSUADER
Keywords:

Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive

These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success

..."Enjoy mathematics"? ME?!?! I can't think of any job I would loathe more than being an freaking accountant. Yes, I am conscientious, careful, methodical, and I do like clear structures of command (and of responsibility). But maths and I are NOT good friends - and maths involving money and I are even worse. I was traumatised as a child of five by maths involving money and I've never gotten over it. Freaking accountancy... *shudders*

As for the second best, I don't recognise myself in any of that, particularly the "ambitious" tag. I am the most dithery, un-ambitious person I know; I get into depressive fugs angsting over how much I DO NOT KNOW what I want to do with my life!!!!!!!!

...I must be srs1y d00in 1t r0ng.

(Nicked from the Paperbackwriter blog.)

*yawn* Tired. Eyes tired. I've been on the net too long, staring at the screen till I feel dead. Eugh. Philip's watching football, so TV is not entertaining.

Once again, I am posting with nothing to say. Was in work until half-past six. Half-past six. Stupid stubborn stuff, that I can't discuss because of confidentiality.

So, the snow I was talking about earlier thawed before I could take pictures...

But then, on 13 December, it snowed again! And snowed and snowed, and then froze and kept freezing...

Basically Britain/Ireland/a whole chunk of Europe is buried in snow and the coldest weather I have EVER experienced. The lowest I noticed on my car temperature gauge was -15.5 degrees Celsius - which, for all you folks working in Fahrenheit, is 4.1 degrees (at least, according to the internet convertor I just found on Google. Our house is dripping with icicles. ICICLES - a couple of feet long. I have never seen icicles of any length in real life before. Our dogs and cats are being kept inside the house at night.

I have pictures this time. Unfortunately, they can only be uploaded to one PC in the house - which is currently refusing to connect to the internet *cries* (There is only one PC in the house - the rest are Apple Macs and the software for the camera is not compatible with Macs *sighs*) Don't worry, I'm getting my more computer-savvy brothers on the problem.

So, CHRISTMAS! :D This was my last day of work before Christmas. We have tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday off as public holidays, I'm back in for Wednesday through to Friday, 3rd of January is another public holiday and then I'm off from the 4th to 7th January.

The office Christmas party got cancelled because of the snow. There was supposed to be over twenty going; only nine made it to the venue. I was one of the absentees. From the chat of the others about last year's party, it could have been fun. But they've promised to rescheduled for January/February time.

I have bought all the presents I'm giving (I hope - I'm relying on other people getting stuff on my behalf). And... that's pretty much all I have to say right now...